walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
