he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
