you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
