He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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