That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
