Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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