her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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