The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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