This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
