I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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