Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
