Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
