My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
