If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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