just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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