Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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