Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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