And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
