You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
