Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
