That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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