if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
