god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
