we have pet lesbian snakes
I skipped work to stalk him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
