okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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