Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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