listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
