got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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