I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize