I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
