Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
