Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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