if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize