No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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