why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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