you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
