I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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