she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
