I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
