I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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