Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
