At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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