You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
