You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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