You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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