p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
