I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
