Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
