i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
