Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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