Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
