But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
