You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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