gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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