Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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