I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
