u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
