I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
