You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
