can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
