I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
