Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
