I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
