Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
