Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well you can't waste a boner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
