it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
