Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
