My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
