he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize