You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
