Are we in a gay sports bar?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
