a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
