When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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