pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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