So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
MIDGETS
????
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
