guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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