I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
