wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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