It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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