it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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