what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
